Thoughts of a Retiring Athlete…

By Anastasia Gloushkov Leventhal

The freedom, the liberating feeling of a new life, new choice, new breath, discovering the whole new me…

No pressure, I got time. I just retired from my 24 year-long underwater-artistic-synchro-challenging-aspiring-achieving-high level sport journey… And I am only 31 in this "early retirement" so, I got time. Definitely. Right?

No pressure, no hurry… After all, I am a young woman who got some stuff done in the first 30 years of her life including some pretty big accomplishments: top 4 in Europe, top 10 in the World, 4-time Olympian, getting married, becoming a mom, getting a Bachelor degree, building a house… So I'm good. I got time.

Let's enjoy. Let's celebrate! 24 years underwater! Now I can celebrate as much as I want. I got time for whatever I want!
But first let's just enjoy… Enjoy the nothing.
Enjoy the "no training in the morning so I can stay up for as long as I want".
Enjoy the "no plan, no yearly, no monthly, no weekly planning or training schedule".         
Enjoy the "no goals, no competition deadlines, no schedule and no need to step up my game".
Enjoy the "no stress, no worries and not wondering if I am ready or good enough for the next meet".
Enjoy the fact that I can get away somewhere, whenever I want! Tomorrow even! Why not? Now that I finally can…
 
Ok. So now I can be/do/become whatever I want!
Ok, So what is it that I want? Let's see…
Naturally, first thought is to become a coach. Teaching kids what I’ve learned and pass on my knowledge… This is obvious. But somehow I just don’t feel the passion for it.

Ok next. I have to find something that is linked to my sport. But how? With my Federation? The Olympic Committee? A Sport Organization? Dealing with politics? God No! And just because it is related to sports, it should feel logical? No.

So what then? What is my goal here? 
What is my Dream? What is this next big thing I want to conquer? And of course, it has to be as exciting and great as the Olympics? Because if not, it means I peaked in life at 31 and that it’s all gonna be downward from now on. I just won’t have that!

So what do I really, really want? What is it that I love and am I good at?
I know I love music, movement, dancing, water, creativity. Maybe I can choreograph for my sport?!? So we are back again in the swimming pool which I wanted to get away from in the first place…. This is not a bad idea, though, but it feel a bit like “more of the same” again and I am all about the discovery of the new me of course.

Ok. So maybe it doesn’t have to be related to sports. Maybe I’ll become an actress! Because we only live once! And now is my chance to try all the things that excited me when I was a little girl. I guess this means taking acting lessons or going to drama school. I don't want to study for the next four-five years to become an actress though. With the kids, the house and the need for a good income, it isn't possible.  Maybe I'll do it later when I can afford it. But now what?

Maybe I’ll have my own workshops, lectures, sport events...
Maybe I’ll work with some of the big names who already made it…
Maybe I’ll write a book about my experiences and how it can help others…
Maybe I'll invent my own product line and sell many little pieces of me…
Maybe I’ll just somehow figure it out and make money via instagram like many other athletes. I mean how hard can it be? 
Ok I know! I will become this strong woman role model who inspires others…
Yes. Of Course! But doing whaaaaat???

How come this is so hard and so complicated? I knew it would take a while and it would not be easy but I never imagined I would think about it every night and get up in the morning with more questions on my mind than the day before.
I know I am smart, hard-working, creative, inspiring. I can overcome adversity and obstacles. I can write and speak three languages. I have traveled everywhere. So how on earth can I package all that into something great, interesting, challenging and fulfilling that provides value to others, a high income and makes me happy?!?...

And that sums it up!
My last three years of thinking, wishing, dreaming and hoping that one day I'll figure it out. 
Can any of you relate? I have a feeling a few of you have been through a similar journey. 
Every seconds of every day, second-guessing yourself and your purpose on this earth. Uncertainty and confusion is tough to handle after the clarity and accuracy of being a spot-on professional athlete. 

So what will it be eventually? This next big thing?
Well… To be continued…..