Anne Graf, Lacrosse

Anne Graf was a College lacrosse player. She graduated from Yale University in 2003 and then graduated from law school four years later. She worked as lawyer In Florida for several years before making a career change to PR and moving to Los Angeles. Anne had a pretty difficult transition and candidly admits she is still soul-searching for a meaningful passion after Lacrosse.

Hometown: St Michael, Maryland                               
Sport: Lacrosse                                                      
Duration: 16 years                                                      
Level: College                                                        
Retirement: 2003                                                            
Occupation: PR                                                                
Location: Los Angeles, CA                                        
Interests: Yoga, Sports, Travel, Music festivals             

​Where are you from and how did you get into sports?
I grew up in a very small town where there was nothing else to do other than playing sports. I was a high energy kid and so, very early on, I played sports. I started horse riding in kindergarten and very quickly played three or four different sports. My dad played lacrosse and eventually asked me if I wanted to play. I started Lacrosse in second grade with the school’s team. I absolutely loved growing up that way.

Were your parents athletes?
They both played sports until high school but not beyond that. They are active people. My mum plays golf and used to play tennis growing up. My dad is very outdoorsy and played multiple sports growing up.

Did you continue to play sports at the same time as playing lacrosse?
Yes. The seasons were not at the same time so I could play multiple sports and be busy year-round. I would be playing on the school team, the YMCA team and continue to ride horses on the weekends. I was an only child so my parents were able to take me to all these activities.

How was your high school athletic experience?
I went to a very athletic co-ed boarding school and I played multiple sports all the way to the end of high school. I would play a different sport all three quarters of high school: lacrosse, cross-country, track. It was really good for me and I really enjoyed it. My second year at high school, I was already receiving recruiting letters from colleges and getting calls from coaches. My parents had no idea what to think of it because they never had that experience. I was quite excited about it.

Did you know what college you wanted to attend?
No, I didn’t know where I wanted to go. I had some ideas but I wasn’t set on one school. I had difficulties connecting with coaches and schools because, at that time, we didn’t have cell phones. We had one payphone for our dorms. I was never in my room or in the dorms so I am not sure how I even got the offers and made it to college!

Which school did you receive offers from?
Many schools including all the top schools like Yale, U Penn and Dartmouth.

Is Lacrosse in all of the Ivy League Schools?
Yes.

How did you make your choice?
I went on all the recruiting trips, partied and had a great time. Yale was not really my favorite, I am not sure why. I applied to all of the schools and, when I got into Yale, it became pretty obvious this is where I would go. I knew it would be good for the rest of my life.

How did you feel once you started college?
I always wanted for Lacrosse to be my life but after I got to college, I really embraced it. I loved it so much. I loved my team and my team mates. I did very well and I played all four years of my college career.

How was your college coach?
My coach was an absolute sociopath. This was such a contrast from my high school coach who was such a great mentor to me and a great person. That was probably the hardest part to me. I cared so much about the sport and the team. But this woman seems to only consider this as a job. She was emotionally and verbally abusive. She loved to manipulate players.

And yet you enjoyed it?
Yes, it was the best experience of my life. I don’t regret anything from that time. I loved it so much, I would come to practice an hour earlier to do extra training.

Did you room with your team mates?
No, I didn’t but the community was so strong that I ended up spending all of my time with my team mates anyway. I didn’t need to live with them to see them constantly.

Was your team good?
I feel it took us several years to get the right programming and to come together. There was a lot of attrition because of academic requirements and people quitting. The coach had to do a lot of recruiting. There were ten of us starting lacrosse my first year and there were only three of us who still played in senior year.

What was the most challenging at Yale?
The hardest thing for me was to stay focused. I loved playing sports and the games were the only thing I cared about. Academically, I felt like “I was already at Yale so what else was there to do? I think at times, I really chose to ignore my academics. College was also a difficult transition from boarding school. Boarding school was so structured and I did very well in that environment. You had to stick to the schedule or you got in trouble. But in college, there was no one to keep me on track. There were times I would really have to remind myself to focus on school and not screw up this opportunity. My parents never put pressure on me and I wish they had. They were so happy I got into Yale and that I did so well in lacrosse. They didn’t keep track of things and I wouldn’t share my grades.

Did you think of retirement from sports while you were in college?
I didn’t think how it would be when it was over. I didn’t let myself think about it and I wasn’t interested.
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Did you have any idea what you wanted to do in life?             
I had no clue. Apparently, there was a career center at Yale but I never went!

What did you do after college?
My last year of college, everybody had already found jobs. It didn’t hit me until maybe spring before graduation. Then I started going to a few interviews but employers kept asking me what work experience I had. I didn’t have any and it wouldn’t cut it. My best friend decided she would go to law school. And, at that time, it felt like a good idea and so I decided to do the same thing.
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Do you remember the day you retired?
We just had the last NCAA tournament. Then a few days after graduation, I remembered packing my car and leaving New Haven and bereaving all the way home to my parents’ house. I had no real plans, no idea of what I should be doing. And then it hit me “this is over”. I know exactly where I was on the highway when I had that thought.

Is this something you were able to talk to your parents and open up about?
I don’t think I even had any self-awareness about what was going on. I was lost and I was just trying to move forward. I didn’t see the possibility life without lacrosse. I was depressed for about a year. I had recurring dreams about being at practice or at a game, missing one piece of my equipment or something was wrong but I couldn’t tell what. Then I would wake up and I would have to remember all over again that I didn’t play anymore. I guess it illustrates the fact that I was not able to process what was going on.

Did you try to play lacrosse during that year?
No, I didn’t play but I volunteered as a coach at a school. It was not a good fit for me. Internally, I wanted to be out there playing not coaching and so I would get frustrated at the athletes. I was so intense and they probably thought I was nuts! We actually did very well that season and I ended up winning an award for coach of the year.

What else did you do that year?
I did odd jobs, bar tending and doing whatever I could. My parents were not putting pressure on me because they thought I was taking a break before going to law school.

When and where did you go to law school?
I got to Florida State law school. I left that august so about a year after Yale. I still had no idea what I wanted to do.

How did you feel physically after retiring?
I didn’t know what to do with myself physically. I didn’t understand going to the gym working out without the goal to compete. Without any purpose, I had no desire to workout. My body was different and I didn’t like it. Once I was back in the school environment, I started being more motivated to go back to the gym.

What was your social network in law school?
I remembered connecting with some people at law school. I was also trying to find other former student-athletes. But I carried that sense of “where are my people?”

Did you like studying law?
Law school didn’t speak to me. When I graduated I knew I was going to give it a try but I also knew this was not for me.
What about lacrosse? Was it behind you then?
It was almost too painful to talk about it. Nobody knew about lacrosse in Florida and when I would talk about it, people would encourage me to start a team which was the opposite to what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to work with people who didn’t have the same level and commitment I had to the sport.

Were you injured a lot as an elite athlete?
I didn’t have to deal with a lot of failures and injuries with lacrosse. But now as an adult, I struggle with starting new things and being a beginner. And my body is not responding the way I want it and it makes me angry and frustrated. I have a tough time remembering that it took me years of hard work to become a great lacrosse player.

Did you have issues with body image and nutrition after retirement?
I didn’t but a lot of people I know did. Lacrosse was never a sport where we were pressured or judged on our body. I wasn’t under intense scrutiny like other sports. But after retiring, I felt terrible physically and for a long time. I didn’t know how to exert control over my eating and exercise. For years, I had to follow a specific schedule or training regimen and then suddenly I had to take responsibility and it was another thing I didn’t how to manage. Everything seems so unfair to me. I was quite immature and didn’t have a sense of self-responsibility at that time. Also, a lot of my team mates had already established workouts and were conscientious about their nutrition. They seem so on track and I definitely wasn’t.

Was that an additional source of stress?
Totally. I was so envious and I was wondering what was wrong with me.

Did you have people you could talk to?
No, I had a few friends but nobody I was close enough to share what was going on. My closest team mates were from my second year in college and they didn’t seem to have the same level of commitment to sport and they were able to let it go easily. I didn’t have anyone who could quite relate to where I was.

Did you see a therapist or did you have any other type of support?
Eventually I started seeing a therapist but again it was related to other stuff. Around that same time, I started doing yoga and joined a gym I really liked. I got excited about working out again. I was soul-searching and still struggled with competitive feelings but I started to understand fitness as a way to be healthy and not necessarily for competition. I have been doing yoga ever since. It has been ten years of regular practice and I ended become a certified yoga instructor.

Do you have something now that you are passionate about? Something as strong as your passion for lacrosse?
No. At different times, I got into various things like surfing or tennis. I have these different activities that I love to do and I am always looking for something new to try. But I don’t have a team or the camaraderie you have on a team.

Are you still in touch with your team mates?
I am still in touch with a few of the girls. I am close with three girls who run tracks and three former lacrosse player and one non-athlete.

Do you feel you are still missing the social connections?
I am missing the competitive aspect of the social connections.

Have you played lacrosse since college? Do you have reunions?
No, I haven’t played but I am still in touch with my few friends.

How does work fit into your life?
It is a job. I enjoyed it and it is interesting. It is relevant to the current world. There are many aspects that are exciting like social justice. But at the end of the day, does it have deep meaning in my life? No. I am still looking.

Why did you leave the practice of law?
If I don’t feel passionate about something, I can’t continue doing it. So many people didn’t understand why I left such lucrative career but I couldn’t fake it anymore.  PR is better for me.

Why did you not get more support from Yale? Did you ever reconnect to ask for help?
I ended reaching out at some point but my path was so unusual that they didn’t know what to do with my profile. I didn’t have any internships, I didn’t work in New York. So they were only able to assist me with writing my resume and they recommended I reach out to other alumni.

Are you able to talk to your parents about your transition period?
We talked more about work and the future. I didn’t feel like I had moved on for a long time so I have chosen to put it behind me.