Caroline Burckle, Swimming

After a successful swimming career that took her to the podium at the Beijing Olympics, Caroline decided she wanted to be more than an athlete. However, upon her retirement, a slough of repressed emotions bubbled to the surface, debilitating her mentally and physically. Through this difficult time, she learned much about herself, as well as the importance of providing others with the tools to deal with these issues throughout their careers and beyond.

​Name: Caroline Burckle
Hometown: Louisville, Kentucky
Sport: Swimming
Level: Olympic Bronze Medalist for the 4x200-meter Relay
Retirement: 2010
Current Occupation: Co-Founder of RISE Athletes
Location: Hermosa Beach, CA
Interests: Hiking, ocean, and being in nature in general, as well as lifting weights. I also love art and still sketch and design. 

​When did you start swimming?
I started swimming when I was very young, before I even knew what it was. I loved the water.
 
Can you describe your swimming career?
I swam for the Lakeside Swim Team and then went on to swim at the University of Florida. Throughout my career I was very happy go lucky and did everything based off of feel. I wasn’t super focused on times, but went on how I felt in the water. I wasn’t a “need to win” person, but I was confident and knew I had something special. I went on to the university and swam well, but went through tough times there.
 
What difficulties did you face in college?
I struggled with self worth, which I think stemmed from some toxic relationships, for awhile. It showed and I performed poorly. But once I gained that confidence back and trained smarter, as well as put back on healthy weight, I started to compete really well. Florida was a really challenging time for me. It was beautiful, but it wasn’t great for me mentally.
 
Did you go to the Olympics right after college?
Yes, the Olympic trials were right after graduation. It was awesome and surreal; so many emotions come to mind. It’s hard to explain. You’re fully submerged in the experience. It was very cool. You are there with so many people, cultures, pressure, softness, and fierceness – just so many different emotions. You come together with all these different athletes in this giant community. 

What happened after Florida?
I moved to California. I lived in the back bay of Newport Beach and commuted to Fullerton where I swam with a pro team. But that’s when I started feeling like I had more inside of me to give than just swimming. I didn’t feel like I was fulfilling my duties as a person – like I was just being an athlete. I just didn’t need swimming any more. I was broken in a lot of ways and didn’t feel like I wanted to be back in it. I wasn’t angry, I just didn’t have it in me anymore. It was hard, I felt guilty about it. But I had been preparing for it to be done. I had been slowly releasing my obsession with it and having swimming as my total identity. So I retired after 1.5 years there.
 
Did you know what you wanted to do after swimming?
I wanted something else to do and to balance my life out. I love design and am an artist at heart. I decided to go into fashion school to design swimwear, and was working at Lululemon at the time. After I graduated, I got a job at Motiel Active Wear in San Diego. Then realized I was super unhealthy physically and mentally. I would go to bed right when I go home from work. So I moved back home to Kentucky really depressed and immediately started therapy. I wasn’t in a good space. I was miserable and didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t have an identity and was sad all the time. I basically spent a year and a half going in three times a week mending relationships with my father, mother, and coaches – it was gnarly, and a lot. At the time I was 120 lbs, and for someone 5-foot-10-inches, that’s bad. I didn’t have a period for 10 years. I was super anxious all the time, probably from low body weight. I was really unhealthy. I didn’t realize it at the time, but not only was I struggling with the transition but I was manifesting what I endured emotionally throughout my life and career. My body had been showing me something and I needed to listen.
 
How were these issues manifesting in your body?
I moved to LA from Santa Barbara in 2016 and right then and there I immediately started training for this race called Otillo. I was training, still really thin, probably around 128 lbs, still not having periods, unhealthy, and chasing things. I was killing myself, but was doing it as a validation thing. I ended up getting a stress fracture almost all the way through my heel. This was the first injury of my life – I had been really lucky during my swimming career. I was on crutches for 12 weeks and casted, and it was a realization that something was not right. I did the symptomatic stuff like physical therapy to recover, but I had stored trauma and resentment and it was killing my body from the inside out. I got off my crutches and within two weeks I got septic knee in my other leg and was in the hospital for three days. I couldn’t do anything for another six weeks. Then I get back on my feet running again. I tried to be positive, thinking that those six extra weeks was extra healing for my foot, so at that point I thought I was totally healthy. Then I broke my heel again in the same spot and a different spot. My doctor made me get blood work and low and behold I had no vitamin D, my estrogen way low, progesterone off the charts, and after that break I had to spend 14 weeks on crutches. I did zero movement the second time around, when the first time I was still exercising. I was totally immobilized during the second break recovery besides some physical therapy.

What happened after Florida?
I moved to California. I lived in the back bay of Newport Beach and commuted to Fullerton where I swam with a pro team. But that’s when I started feeling like I had more inside of me to give than just swimming. I didn’t feel like I was fulfilling my duties as a person – like I was just being an athlete. I just didn’t need swimming any more. I was broken in a lot of ways and didn’t feel like I wanted to be back in it. I wasn’t angry, I just didn’t have it in me anymore. It was hard, I felt guilty about it. But I had been preparing for it to be done. I had been slowly releasing my obsession with it and having swimming as my total identity. So I retired after 1.5 years there.
 
Did you know what you wanted to do after swimming?
I wanted something else to do and to balance my life out. I love design and am an artist at heart. I decided to go into fashion school to design swimwear, and was working at Lululemon at the time. After I graduated, I got a job at Motiel Active Wear in San Diego. Then realized I was super unhealthy physically and mentally. I would go to bed right when I go home from work. So I moved back home to Kentucky really depressed and immediately started therapy. I wasn’t in a good space. I was miserable and didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t have an identity and was sad all the time. I basically spent a year and a half going in three times a week mending relationships with my father, mother, and coaches – it was gnarly, and a lot. At the time I was 120 lbs, and for someone 5-foot-10-inches, that’s bad. I didn’t have a period for 10 years. I was super anxious all the time, probably from low body weight. I was really unhealthy. I didn’t realize it at the time, but not only was I struggling with the transition but I was manifesting what I endured emotionally throughout my life and career. My body had been showing me something and I needed to listen.
 
How were these issues manifesting in your body?
I moved to LA from Santa Barbara in 2016 and right then and there I immediately started training for this race called Otillo. I was training, still really thin, probably around 128 lbs, still not having periods, unhealthy, and chasing things. I was killing myself, but was doing it as a validation thing. I ended up getting a stress fracture almost all the way through my heel. This was the first injury of my life – I had been really lucky during my swimming career. I was on crutches for 12 weeks and casted, and it was a realization that something was not right. I did the symptomatic stuff like physical therapy to recover, but I had stored trauma and resentment and it was killing my body from the inside out. I got off my crutches and within two weeks I got septic knee in my other leg and was in the hospital for three days. I couldn’t do anything for another six weeks. Then I get back on my feet running again. I tried to be positive, thinking that those six extra weeks was extra healing for my foot, so at that point I thought I was totally healthy. Then I broke my heel again in the same spot and a different spot. My doctor made me get blood work and low and behold I had no vitamin D, my estrogen way low, progesterone off the charts, and after that break I had to spend 14 weeks on crutches. I did zero movement the second time around, when the first time I was still exercising. I was totally immobilized during the second break recovery besides some physical therapy.